“We are homesick most for the places we have never known.”

Carson McCullers

Introduction. This is how I describe myself on my Facebook page: “Wife. Mom. Doctor. Catholic. Theatre enthusiast. Unapologetic bibliophile. Incurable packrat.” I suppose all of those words and phrases are true. Me in a nutshell. Yet nobody fits into such neat pigeonholes. Humans, like ogres, have layers. (Forgive me, I have a toddler…we’ve seen a lot of Shrek). And I’m new to this whole blogging thing. Why would anyone (besides my mother) want to read anything I have to say? I’ve written before – poems, short stories, plays, novels….well, to be fair, I started countless first chapters, but as an adult, never actually sat down to finish anything my child mind created. Most of my adult writing came in the form of term papers, essays, and journal articles, which paved the way to crafting patient notes in an electronic medical record. I’m also greatly afflicted by the pull of nostalgia, which is what I think sparked my interest in writing again. Some conversations I’ve had recently with dear friends allowed me to reflect on the fascinating way human lives evolve. How our past decisions, actions, relationships, forks in the road led us to the exact moment in time we now exist.

My husband likes to tease me about re-watching favorite TV series I’ve seen umpteen times (thank you, invention of streaming services). Part of it is that nostalgia affliction I mentioned earlier. And part is just a comfort in the familiar, visiting old characters again and seeing what new lessons they may teach this time around. One of my tried and true standbys is Gilmore Girls, created by the incomparable Amy Sherman Palladino and Daniel Palladino. This show first aired when I was in the 8th grade, and concluded its first run my sophomore year of college, spanning quite a chunk of my formative years. Viewing the show again as a 30-something wife and mother instead of a teenager does change your perspective a bit. I found myself understanding more of the complexity of Emily, recognizing some of the immaturity of Lorelai, and appreciating the cringeworthy teen moments of Rory as a relatable past. A friend of mine and I were reminiscing about our paths in life – both now happily married mothers, the road to that destination definitely had some potholes. As we were talking, I realized that (whether intentional or not), the romantic relationships depicted on Gilmore Girls were not just catalysts for the witty scripts and emotional connection of the characters; they were metaphors for the types of people we will encounter in our own romantic lives. I like to joke that while I was always #TeamJess, I ended up marrying a Dean (well, if you know him, he might be more of a Luke – still steady and dependable, just slightly grumpier and more sarcastic). But Luke doesn’t fit my Rory relationship metaphor, so just go with me here. Throughout your dating life, you’ll find your own Dean, Jess, and Logan (unless you’re one of the fortunate few who meet in a sandbox at the age of 2…looking at you, Cory and Topanga).

Your Dean will be the steadfast, reliable one. The nice guy. The one who takes your quirks in stride, though may not always fully understand them. The one who will take care of you, feed you, maybe even build you a car. The one you can always trust.

Your Jess will be your quintessential “bad boy”. Exciting, maybe a little dangerous, dark and witty, intellectual, possibly brooding. He may have had some difficulty or challenges in his past. He will strike your passion, intensely. One thing you will never doubt is the strength of his love for you. Maybe he tells a few white lies. Maybe he doesn’t call or text when he says he will. You try to forgive and forget because you feel he just “gets” you. Or shows up at a hockey game with Distillers tickets. Never knowing what to expect may be exhilarating at first, but eventually the unreliability will begin to erode the foundation of your relationship.

Your Logan will be the charmer. The one with the perfect smile, glib wit, and carefree attitude. He may not be heir to a print media conglomerate fortune, or live in a house with a genuine Velázquez, but he will sweep you off your feet. Unfortunately, real life isn’t the Life and Death Brigade. He will act as though rules don’t apply to him, which ultimately showcases his underlying disdain for commitment (aka fidelity issues).

I’m sure most of us have met versions of the above people. Maybe we’re with one of them now, at least in some iteration. And despite my above descriptions, nobody’s life can be summed up in a simple paragraph. For those who are looking but have not yet found the right one, remember humans and ogres have layers. You’ll have to figure out for yourself which layers are the onion, and which ones are the parfait. Above all, surround yourself with friends who you can cry to at night, but in the morning…they make waffles.