Winnie-the-Pooh and Nostalgia, Too

“Hallo, Pooh,” he said. “How’s things?”
“Terrible and Sad,” said Pooh, “because Eeyore, who is a friend of mine, has lost his tail. And he’s Moping about it. So could you very kindly tell me how to find it for him?”
A.A. Milne

From The Best Bear in the World, illustrated by Mark Burgess in the style of the originals by E.H. Shepard

“Oh, bother.” I’ve taken a break in writing recently, as you can see since my last post was five months ago…pandemics are rough, guys. We all deserve a little grace during these challenging days.

As a parent of a young child, I am privy to (or held hostage by, tomato, to-mah-to) the bevy of children’s shows, books, and characters available to our youngsters. Few have stood the test of time so robustly as Winnie-the-Pooh and his best pals in the Hundred Acre Woods. If you read the books by A.A. Milne, you will notice seemingly random capitalizations of words throughout the pages. However, just like in the quote above, the words chosen to be capitalized are most certainly not random, and are quite often words used to express feelings and emotions.

As a pediatric psychiatrist, I find this so incredibly crucial. By capitalizing words expressing feelings and emotions, it emphasizes the importance of somewhat elusive concepts, especially to children who may have a difficult time understanding or labeling such emotions. As Hermione Granger said, “Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.” We need to talk about feelings, not sweep uncomfortable emotions under the rug or lock them up in the depths of our psyches. Milne was a keen observer of the human condition, and crafted his tales so even the youngest of readers could find themselves woven amidst the chapters.

My son has recently taken to concise expression of his moods. If he is upset, he goes to sit in a specific location in our house, then succinctly says he is Sad or Mad or whatever else his Big Feeling at the time may be. He sighs in his dramatic toddler fashion, requests a hug, and promptly states he is now Happy. Because according to Pooh, “A hug is always the right size”.

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned over the past several months is to just listen. Especially when we cannot be with our loved ones face to face at all or as frequently as before. Listening can be exhausting sometimes…and I know…I’ve made a career of it. But how else can we really connect to another person? How else can we see a picture of their internal landscape? Take the time. And take the advice of a silly old bear – “If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

Love in the Time of Corona (aka just a lonely girl living in a COVID world)

The world seems apocalyptic. Pre-apocalyptic maybe. I’m not yet wearing leathered earth tones and wielding a weapon far too cumbersome for my size (as seems sacrosanct in most dystopian YA novels). Entire countries are on lockdown, and now so are some states in the US, too.

Adversity always brings out both the best and worst in people. Some will be “the helpers”, as Mr. Rogers called them. Doctors, nurses, other healthcare workers, first responders, childcare workers, grocery/supply store employees, sanitation workers, etc. who are on the frontline laboring tirelessly to protect the ill and prepare the well. Some are friends or family members who will watch your rambunctious toddler so a newly transitioned work-at-home parent can actually work at home without too much interruption. Or friends who, when on a supply run, ask if you need them to pick up anything for you, too. People who are making protective equipment like face masks for the hospitals that are quickly depleting their inventories. And then there are the exact opposite. People who hoard toilet paper and soap (news flash, we all have to wipe and wash, so save some for the rest of us). Those who do not practice social distancing, and still flock to beaches and theme parks, disregarding the health and safety of those who may not have as hardy of immune systems. *Side bar to anyone reading this, MILLENNIALS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Most millennials are in our 30s now. We have jobs and families, and are staying the eff home. It’s Gen Z you want. The generation of eating Tide Pods and complaining that their partying and spring break-ing were mildly inconvenienced. Go after them.*

As a doctor, I am considered a critical employee. Despite not being in an ER/ICU/hospitalist specialty, I am mandated to report to work, no matter what (be kind to your doctors; we are stressed, guys). Thankfully, my employers have been proactive about implementing telehealth to offer as much protection as possible. And although increased anxiety comes with being a physician during a global health crisis, I am very grateful to have a stable job. I know so many have uncertain futures, and my solidarity and prayers are with you.

I was joking to friends recently that when you know you can’t leave your house, it feels Tom Thumb tiny, even if it is the size of a palace. I had bought my toddler some new puzzles to keep him occupied and pass the time indoors; he loves them, and I thought it would give me some time to get things done around the house. I set him up with a brand new, 25 piece Paw Patrol puzzle that he had never seen before, and he happily began working on it. I slipped away to the laundry room to switch loads and hang up some clothes. When I emerged less than 5 minutes later, he had already assembled 21 of the 25 pieces without any assistance. I quickly realized I would need to revamp my strategy to “keep him occupied”, as he quickly completed the final 4 pieces. I also realized I could learn something from my toddler. He is just happy to be spending extra time with Mama and Dada. He is too young to understand what is happening in the world, but he offers his dimpled smile, sticky hands, and tender heart without reservations. So, world, show each other kindness and compassion. Love as fiercely as a toddler. Just wash your sticky hands first.

The Journey Begins

“We are homesick most for the places we have never known.”
Carson McCullers

Introduction. This is how I describe myself on my Facebook page: “Wife. Mom. Doctor. Catholic. Theatre enthusiast. Unapologetic bibliophile. Incurable packrat.” I suppose all of those words and phrases are true. Me in a nutshell. Yet nobody fits into such neat pigeonholes. Humans, like ogres, have layers. (Forgive me, I have a toddler…we’ve seen a lot of Shrek). And I’m new to this whole blogging thing. Why would anyone (besides my mother) want to read anything I have to say? I’ve written before – poems, short stories, plays, novels….well, to be fair, I started countless first chapters, but as an adult, never actually sat down to finish anything my child mind created. Most of my adult writing came in the form of term papers, essays, and journal articles, which paved the way to crafting patient notes in an electronic medical record. I’m also greatly afflicted by the pull of nostalgia, which is what I think sparked my interest in writing again. Some conversations I’ve had recently with dear friends allowed me to reflect on the fascinating way human lives evolve. How our past decisions, actions, relationships, forks in the road led us to the exact moment in time we now exist.

My husband likes to tease me about re-watching favorite TV series I’ve seen umpteen times (thank you, invention of streaming services). Part of it is that nostalgia affliction I mentioned earlier. And part is just a comfort in the familiar, visiting old characters again and seeing what new lessons they may teach this time around. One of my tried and true standbys is Gilmore Girls, created by the incomparable Amy Sherman Palladino and Daniel Palladino. This show first aired when I was in the 8th grade, and concluded its first run my sophomore year of college, spanning quite a chunk of my formative years. Viewing the show again as a 30-something wife and mother instead of a teenager does change your perspective a bit. I found myself understanding more of the complexity of Emily, recognizing some of the immaturity of Lorelai, and appreciating the cringeworthy teen moments of Rory as a relatable past. A friend of mine and I were reminiscing about our paths in life – both now happily married mothers, the road to that destination definitely had some potholes. As we were talking, I realized that (whether intentional or not), the romantic relationships depicted on Gilmore Girls were not just catalysts for the witty scripts and emotional connection of the characters; they were metaphors for the types of people we will encounter in our own romantic lives. I like to joke that while I was always #TeamJess, I ended up marrying a Dean (well, if you know him, he might be more of a Luke – still steady and dependable, just slightly grumpier and more sarcastic). But Luke doesn’t fit my Rory relationship metaphor, so just go with me here. Throughout your dating life, you’ll find your own Dean, Jess, and Logan (unless you’re one of the fortunate few who meet in a sandbox at the age of 2…looking at you, Cory and Topanga).

Your Dean will be the steadfast, reliable one. The nice guy. The one who takes your quirks in stride, though may not always fully understand them. The one who will take care of you, feed you, maybe even build you a car. The one you can always trust.

Your Jess will be your quintessential “bad boy”. Exciting, maybe a little dangerous, dark and witty, intellectual, possibly brooding. He may have had some difficulty or challenges in his past. He will strike your passion, intensely. One thing you will never doubt is the strength of his love for you. Maybe he tells a few white lies. Maybe he doesn’t call or text when he says he will. You try to forgive and forget because you feel he just “gets” you. Or shows up at a hockey game with Distillers tickets. Never knowing what to expect may be exhilarating at first, but eventually the unreliability will begin to erode the foundation of your relationship.

Your Logan will be the charmer. The one with the perfect smile, glib wit, and carefree attitude. He may not be heir to a print media conglomerate fortune, or live in a house with a genuine Velázquez, but he will sweep you off your feet. Unfortunately, real life isn’t the Life and Death Brigade. He will act as though rules don’t apply to him, which ultimately showcases his underlying disdain for commitment (aka fidelity issues).

I’m sure most of us have met versions of the above people. Maybe we’re with one of them now, at least in some iteration. And despite my above descriptions, nobody’s life can be summed up in a simple paragraph. For those who are looking but have not yet found the right one, remember humans and ogres have layers. You’ll have to figure out for yourself which layers are the onion, and which ones are the parfait. Above all, surround yourself with friends who you can cry to at night, but in the morning…they make waffles.